::gasps::


I'm all for challenging myself and crap, and usually I don't care if I meet that challenge, but I have gone waaaay overboard this time. And telling people and getting their support only made it worse.

SOME weisenheimer* decided that in April I will:

What? Do you think you're some kind of wise guy???

1. Perform stand-up comedy at Catch a Rising Star

2. Run a 5K

Tomorrow I'm tackling #1--or it's taking me down. We'll see. It'll be the longest 5 minutes of my life. If I don't keel over first. (It would be a shame to keel over afterwards. A waste of a perfectly good keeling.)

Unfortunately, taking on #2 fell off the radar because #1 is powerful and strong and makes me eat lots of things because that's how I deal with FREAKING OUT.

::goes to get a snack::

Now #2 will be even harder. I've gained about 500 pounds in the past month. Okay, maybe five. And another thousand since last Tuesday. And I'm SO underprepared, although I have a week and a half. Bwah ha ha ha ha!

When I reminded him that today was Patriots Day so everyone in the state could celebrate the Boston Marathon and laugh at the idea of driving that far, nevermind running it, The Chef said, "Don't you have something like that coming up?"

I told him, "I am the human epic fail on that one."

Plus the 5K starts at 7:30 a.m. on a Saturday. Um, hello? Saturday? I've already paid for it, so I feel like I SHOULD do it. We'll see. After tomorrow, of course, when my brain returns to normal crazy, instead of the dangerously high levels it's currently running on.

Urgh. Running...

I'll be needing major kicks in the pants--beginning Wednesday morning. Kicks before that time will be returned unopened.

*me. No one to blame but me.

I want to take one giant leap forward. Stupid wind resistance.

I want to be one of those people who runs. Just throws on some running shoes and goes. All day long I thought about how I was going to do that when I got home.

So when I got home from work, I threw on some running shoes and tippy-toed up my ice-slicked lane to the road, where it was damn cold. But dry and not slippery. I didn’t run, though.

I walked, all hunched over like a C-shaped woman, a veritable comma-lady, trying not to freeze to death. Oh! And I haven’t exercised since October—OCTOBER—before I got sick and had surgery and spent a thousand years recovering. It’s going to be a long time before I can get up to running, because:

1. I have never been a runner anywhere but in my head. (My brain gets one hell of a workout, though.)
2. Even though I didn’t run, I was kind of in shape from walking, which would have made becoming a runner/jogger/trotter easier than the shape I’m in now.
3. My shape is that of a bottom-heavy pear. I do not like this shape. It is not aerodynamically sound.

I know; I know. Baby steps.

Resolutions

Yes, even I have been thinking about them. So sue me.

Here's what I have come up with:

• Use as many exclamation marks as possible!!! (!!)


• Tell people I love that I love them--perhaps even so often that they get annoyed!


• Put more words on paper, perhaps even every day! (But there's no way I'm doing it at 5:15 a.m. That's just crazy talk!)


• Finish that gol-durned project.


• Have fun every day.


• Buy more things for other people. (This resolution brought to you by special request. ::waves to The Chef sitting over there::)


• Read!


• Run a 5K by the end of the year. (Blah blah blah "challenge yourself" blah blah blah)


• Keep drinking Diet Coke.

I think that's it. Anything you think I should add?