I am a world-class runner. Or: Epic Fail

In Penny World.

What?

Um, I'm thinking the 5k won't be happening this Saturday morning. I mean, it'll probably still go on even if I'm not there, but I'll never know, because I won't be there. Probably.

I've fallen so far out of shape that I can't even run an idea by someone, so forget actually running by someone.

But all I'm going to do is shrug and say, "Meh. Maybe next time." No beating myself up about it. Crap happens. Or doesn't happen. Whatevs.

Soon--SOON!--I'll get back to working out. And I suspect it'll be because The Chef is dragging my sorry butt with him. Or I'm dragging him. It'll depend on the day...today, it would take a forklift or a piece of cake on a pole hanging in front of me.  Mmmm...cake....

The Other S&W

No, not Smith & Wesson, although I love their work, too.  This was Smith & Wollensky, where The Chef and I had the most amazing dinner.

A. Maze. Ing.

We went here:



I am a castle. I was built by soldiers who raised enough money for construction by putting on theater shows. All men. Playing all roles. (Think "drag.")

 See that booth on the left (below)? That's where we sat, after we got a tour of all four floors with Executive Chef Matt King. I would like to have a big fancy party in this castle. Anyone interested in paying for it?

I am not necessarily even the most gorgeous floor in the place. You should see my level three! (And my three kitchens are nothing to shake a stick at either.)

The Chef and I each had this:


You will love how my 28-day dry-aging process further intensifies the flavor before the house butchers create the final magnificent cut you’ll savor. Oh wait. Translation: Damn good meat. And lots of it.

 Before we got to the steaky goodness, Chef King brought us each a sampler plate of meat (steak), meat (scallop), and more meat (shrimp) to whet our appetites. Consider us whetted.

Then I had the curried asparagus soup and The Chef had steak tartar. (Insert your own joke here.)
Then! The bone-in ribeye (medium rare), creamed spinach (his choice) and onion rings (my choice. You can take the girl out of the...)

And then the best coconut cake ever made on this or any other planet. I want to go there again, sit at the bar, and eat cake. Daily.

::gasps::


I'm all for challenging myself and crap, and usually I don't care if I meet that challenge, but I have gone waaaay overboard this time. And telling people and getting their support only made it worse.

SOME weisenheimer* decided that in April I will:

What? Do you think you're some kind of wise guy???

1. Perform stand-up comedy at Catch a Rising Star

2. Run a 5K

Tomorrow I'm tackling #1--or it's taking me down. We'll see. It'll be the longest 5 minutes of my life. If I don't keel over first. (It would be a shame to keel over afterwards. A waste of a perfectly good keeling.)

Unfortunately, taking on #2 fell off the radar because #1 is powerful and strong and makes me eat lots of things because that's how I deal with FREAKING OUT.

::goes to get a snack::

Now #2 will be even harder. I've gained about 500 pounds in the past month. Okay, maybe five. And another thousand since last Tuesday. And I'm SO underprepared, although I have a week and a half. Bwah ha ha ha ha!

When I reminded him that today was Patriots Day so everyone in the state could celebrate the Boston Marathon and laugh at the idea of driving that far, nevermind running it, The Chef said, "Don't you have something like that coming up?"

I told him, "I am the human epic fail on that one."

Plus the 5K starts at 7:30 a.m. on a Saturday. Um, hello? Saturday? I've already paid for it, so I feel like I SHOULD do it. We'll see. After tomorrow, of course, when my brain returns to normal crazy, instead of the dangerously high levels it's currently running on.

Urgh. Running...

I'll be needing major kicks in the pants--beginning Wednesday morning. Kicks before that time will be returned unopened.

*me. No one to blame but me.

Where credit is due OR: My guy is the BEST!

Not only does he put up with my special brand of crazy, he's also an active participant in Crazytown. (And I am thankful for that many times a day.)

To wit:
I've been working on this manuscript for, oh, I'd say since God was a kid, and there's food in it. I mean, not on the pages, because that would be gross (especially since it's on the laptop) but there's lots of food described and lots of cooking and none of it is the sugar-free chocolate pudding and/or cool whip I just ate.


Hello, friend.

 No! Its is good, delicious food.

Food I couldn't possibly cook myself, for I am not an idiot savant in the kitchen--just an idiot.*

Describing the aforementioned delicious food being deliciously cooked while attempting to cook it was/is near impossible. So I asked The Chef if he could please please please make a couple of recipes so I could watch and then use my smarty-pants brain to describe the process. And then put some plot points in there too.  And he did!

First, there was a pasta and cauliflower dish that was A-MAZ-ING (even though a vegetable was involved)


The amazing pasta dish, Strascinati con cavolfiori e mollica fritta ( pasta with cauliflower and fried breadcrumbs). Doesn't everything sound better in Italian?

... and then there was veal piccata** with artichokes (which I didn't even know I LIKED!) that I would marry I loved it so much.

I do.

I guess we're all just left to wonder what flavor of crazy is coming up next. ***



*Unless we're talking about baking, in which case, I am a monster genius. Or at least geniusy.
**Spellcheck wants to change this to pinata. Veal pinata would not be nearly as delicious. And much more messy.
***Be afraid. Be very afraid.