FINALLY! Chicken soup in every pot (and freezable container)

We all know that when household collide, so do methods of food preparation. To wit: Chicken Soup.

My (Penny's) way of making chicken soup:

1. Open can.
2. Dump contents in microwavable bowl.
3. Add 1/2 can of water.
4. Microwave until you're tired of waiting to eat.
5. Remove from microwave, taste, burn tongue.
6. Shake fist at microwave.

Optional: Add a boatload of crackers because the soup may not taste exactly like a salt lick quite yet.

The Chef's way of making soup:

• 3-5 pound chicken
• 4-5 carrots cut in 3-4" pieces
• 1/2 stalk celery with leaves cut in 3-4" pieces
• 1 large onion cut in 3-4" pieces
• sachet bag*, made up of 1/2 bunch Italian parsley with stems, 20 whole black peppercorns crushed, 2 T thyme, 3 whole cloves, 2-3 bay leaves
• cold water (keep reading for how much!)


 To make stock:

1. Using a cleaver, cut chicken into small pieces (each part of the chicken--leg, breast, etc-- should be cut at least in half to expose the marrow, about 3-4" pieces)
2. Add enough cold water to cover approximately 6-8" above the chicken.
3. Bring to a boil.
4. Skim the scum. (Say that three times fast--fun!)
5. Add carrots, celery, onion, and sachet bag.  Stir.
6. Simmer for 5-6 HOURS** skimming off scum occasionally.
7. Remove chicken and place on sheetpan to let cool.
8. Strain stock through fine strainer. (Use fine chinois or cheesecloth if possible.) Let cool.
9. While stock is cooling, pull chicken from bones. (Best to do this while watching the movie Until the Devil Knows You're Dead.)
10. Evenly separate chicken stock into freezable containers. (Your choice but 1/2 gallon size works best.)
11. Add equal amounts of pulled chicken to the containers.
12. Freeze--EXCEPT ONE! We're going to keep going with that one container.

Ready?

• one 10-oz block frozen, chopped spinach
• 1/3-1/2 bunch fresh chopped Italian parsley
• About 1/2 pound of your choice of pasta (we like egg fettuccine, broken up into 1" pieces, which hurts your hands. ouch.)
• Salt and pepper to taste
• Parmesan cheese (for garnish)

1. Remember that container from above? Pour the contents into a large sauce pan.
2. Add one block of frozen spinach. (Do not thaw.) Cook until hot.***
3. Add chopped parsley.
4. In a separate pan, cook pasta. Go PAST the al dente stage.****
5. Strain pasta and rinse with cold water.
6. Add desired amount of pasta to spinach/chicken soup and bring to simmer. Keep in mind that if you add too much pasta, it will suck up all the juices and you'll have one giant spinach noodle. Yuck.
7. Season with salt and pepper to taste. This is the first time you're adding salt, so you may find it takes a lot.*****
8. Serve with grated Parmesan cheese. I'm not kidding. These Italians put cheese in everything. I stopped my open mocking for a moment and tried it and WOW!

*sachet bag=herbs wrapped in a cheesecloth, tied with a string. This keeps all the little bits from floating all over the place. Little bits are like that.

**HOURS!!!! Hahahahaha!

***If you're using one of the frozen containers of the stock, pop out of container into saucepan along with frozen spinich. Cover and heat slowly (or quickly if you're wicked hungry).

****Be sure to wave to the al dente as it passes by.

*****The Chef says, "You can even add an egg to that." I say, "Why do you Italians have to put an egg on or in everything???" He defends this wacky practice by saying it would be like an egg-drop soup.  I say, "Whatever, dude."******

******And then he kills me for calling him "Dude."

I am delicious soup and you want to eat me.

You will use a spoon because if you try to slurp directly from the bowl, you'll spill it down the front of yourself. Trust me on this.

No chicken soup for your soul. Or bowl.

Apparently when you're writing a recipe, you are not supposed to only include the steps that interest you.  For that reason, you are not getting the chicken soup recipe I have been promising you in my head.

Oh, you'll get it eventually. Or I guess I could give it to you now, but it wouldn't work.

I wrote it, thinking I was Miss Sassy-Smartypants and I sent it to The Chef, asking him to check it out and he laughed and laughed and told me it was perfect except for all the wrong things and all the missing things. (I added the "perfect" part.) (He said all this very nicely because he is very kind and sweet, but we all know that's what he meant. There may have been some head-shaking on his part.)

So...if you're sick and you need chicken soup, just hold on! It's coming!



Someday I will tell you how to make this.



Pork loin is not photogenic

It kinda looks like a dead, boneless animal, doesn't it?  Oh, wait. It is. But a very delicious one.

There really are no words, but I sure do like to write captions!

Here's the recipe, for those of you brave enough to slow-cook. I've slow-cookered thrice, so I'm a pro now. (And by "pro," I mean The Chef helped/supervised every step of the way. We should all thank him. If you think I'm kidding, see Step 2, which I did on my own.)

Non-Photogenic but Most Delicious Slow-cooker Pork Loin

• 1 boneless pork loin, 2-3 pounds
• salt and pepper
• 1 cup light brown sugar
• 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
• 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
• 3/4 cup water

Glazey McGlazerson:

• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1 tablespoon cornstarch
• 1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
• 1/2 cup water
• 2 tablespoons soy sauce

1. Get your in-home chef to wash pork, trim excess fat, pat dry.
2. Sprinkle with salt and pepper, then prick the meat all over with a fork or skewer. (NOTE: I forgot to poke and no one would have been the wiser if I hadn't just narced on myself.) (ANOTHER NOTE: I said "prick.")
3. In a cup or bowl, combine the brown sugar, mustard, and vinegar. Rub all over the hunk of meat. (Best to put the gloves back on before you do that--no messy cleanup!)
4. Cover and cook on LOW for 7 to 8 hours.
5. After an hour of cooking, add water around the side of the meat--not right on it!
6. About 1/2 hour before the pork is done, combine ingredients for glaze in a small sauce pan.
7. Heat and stir until mixture thickens.Pour off the excess juices and reserve.
8. Brush pork with glaze.
9. Add reserved juices to glaze and reduce on stove to nappe* stage. (The mixture coats the back of the spoon.) This is your gravy. You will drink whatever's left. I guarantee it.

*Does using this term make me sound like I know what I'm doing?